“Thou knowest I am blind,” said the angel,
“because mine eyes still retain the light of the Lord’s glory, I can perceive nothing else.” - Paulo Coelho
Spiritual progress is such a strange concept. I have been reading more and more about the eight limbs of yoga, slowly gaining a deeper understanding of what it is to sustain a spiritual practice. In yoga teacher training I developed a true spirituality for the first time in my life. Or, maybe not, maybe it was just the first time I could define spirituality. Maybe it was the first time that I stopped “working out” and started “working in.” Now, I find myself burning with the desire for more ways to see God’s light, my own light, the purifying light at the heart of every being. The ways are so many, from meditating silently, simply relaxing, singing, watching a movie, feeling love, moving my muscles, connecting with a friend, connecting with a stranger, holding a small animal in my hands, making eye contact, sharing a smile, to simply looking at the world instead through it. Try actually seeing what you are looking at.
I am tempted to try to measure my spiritual progress in some way. But how does one measure such a thing? By books read, by blogs written, by yoga classes attended or taught, by the ability to see one’s self in another? Really, there is no point in measuring. The only point is in doing, in thinking, in feeling. Sustaining a spiritual practice is not about reaching some goal. It is about being who you already are, knowing that person who is already you. It is developing the ability to feel OK, to feel content, even when restlessness tugs at you. It is about letting your light shine from the inside out, letting the external be just that, external, outside. But at the same time, we learn to see past separation. What is the meaning of the internal/external divide? Why does dualism insist on raising its head again and again and how can we defeat it? We’re looking at this the wrong way. Dualism is the means by which the One manifests in the world. The opposition of good and bad, out and in, light and dark, you and me, it’s the way the universe experiences itself. Each body is a universe.
Underlying opposition, however, is a sacred unity. It defies explanation or comprehension. It must just be lived out, experienced, felt. Just as the tree is the seed and the seed is the tree. Just as opposing forces duel within each and every one of us, the universe is a playing field for illusion and insight to unfold each in turn. The world is a play ground where we learn, grow, laugh, and cry. Every one of us is made of love, the trick is to stop resisting.
I won’t try to hold a ruler to my spiritual awakenings. But I will hold them close. I do know that I am going somewhere, and I know this because at multiple moments throughout the day, I feel the hot rush of tears well up behind my eyes. I feel my face flush with the blood of life. I feel my heart sink yet soar at once. Truth is near, and it’s what my consciousness craves. With every jewel of truth that somehow makes its way into my life, I smile and frown at the same time, I laugh and I cry, I bow and I raise it up high.
Life is so absurd! Yet beautiful! Bursting! Glorious! I see God’s light over and over again and for that my perception is permanently changed. I can’t see anything for the love clouding my eyes.