Wreck
Crazy. Crazy. You know how often I use the word “crazy” every day? Everything’s crazy to me. But I’m okay with crazy.
Then something really crazy happens. Like, not okay crazy. But now that word is hollow and can’t express this new crazy thing.
*Le driving home from work* Thinking about my yogurt parfait and just cuddling with Cory. Maybe watch some Battlestar Galactica. I don’t even have any music playing, I’m driving home in the silence.
I’ve been singing silly Christmas songs all day but now I’m tired just ready to be home after a long one.
Faster than all of a sudden, my view is filled with the side of another vehicle. Panic! Brake, honk the horn, but it’s too late SMASH! Incredible violent force. Then spinning, spinning in the silence. There’s no time to be scared, no time to realize what’s going on. THIS IS HAPPENING. In one second, chaos occurs. My body, my mind, my car. Instant calamity.
The aftermath. The shock. The way you can’t think about anything. The way you can’t stop shaking. The way everything that mattered a second ago doesn’t matter anymore. The way something taken care of and treasured for years can be destroyed in an instant. The way your life comes into focus when you can’t focus on anything.
How our bodies and our minds are so strong yet so fragile. We’re delicate but our lives aren’t lived delicately.
Just like that. My mom says when I called her, I sounded so calm. It had just happened 5 minutes ago. “Hey. I was just in a car accident.” Whhhaaat? “Which hospital should I go to?” As though I was asking for directions or advice on what brand to buy.
It’s like a dream. A lucid, living dream. But then you wake up and have to pick up the pieces, call adjusters, deal with insurance, find a new car. Pause. Play.
Count the bruises while counting the blessings.