A flock of baby love bugs
Or something more sinister
They haven’t their orange parts yet
Fly slow, so I know you won’t sting me
Fly low, so I know that you’re with me
When the wind blows, you don’t have to steer
When the wind chimes, you don’t have to hear
Oh how I used to pull you apart!
Sparkling breath, you’re already shiny on the inside
Sun beams breaking through cloudy skies
I always give birth when I’m about to die.
Oh, nothing.
No Internet for the next 2 weeks. It’s really weird. I only use my laptop to charge my phone. I need more wii games.
My new home has a lot of character. What I like most about it is that it has a real shower. Second most: washer and dryer. Third: the way it’s segmented but connected. The rooms are connected in such a way that I can travel in a circle around the areas I use most. And I can bypass rooms I don’t need to go in. It’s spacious yet cozy. Nicotine stained and shoddy but it’s a home.
Still need to move some things. Cant organize my stuff without my desk but haven’t got ahold of a truck yet. Can’t wait for everything to be squared away. Can’t wait to have Internet again so I can watch Battlestar Galactica.
Crazy. Crazy. You know how often I use the word “crazy” every day? Everything’s crazy to me. But I’m okay with crazy.
Then something really crazy happens. Like, not okay crazy. But now that word is hollow and can’t express this new crazy thing.
*Le driving home from work* Thinking about my yogurt parfait and just cuddling with Cory. Maybe watch some Battlestar Galactica. I don’t even have any music playing, I’m driving home in the silence.
I’ve been singing silly Christmas songs all day but now I’m tired just ready to be home after a long one.
Faster than all of a sudden, my view is filled with the side of another vehicle. Panic! Brake, honk the horn, but it’s too late SMASH! Incredible violent force. Then spinning, spinning in the silence. There’s no time to be scared, no time to realize what’s going on. THIS IS HAPPENING. In one second, chaos occurs. My body, my mind, my car. Instant calamity.
The aftermath. The shock. The way you can’t think about anything. The way you can’t stop shaking. The way everything that mattered a second ago doesn’t matter anymore. The way something taken care of and treasured for years can be destroyed in an instant. The way your life comes into focus when you can’t focus on anything.
How our bodies and our minds are so strong yet so fragile. We’re delicate but our lives aren’t lived delicately.
Just like that. My mom says when I called her, I sounded so calm. It had just happened 5 minutes ago. “Hey. I was just in a car accident.” Whhhaaat? “Which hospital should I go to?” As though I was asking for directions or advice on what brand to buy.
It’s like a dream. A lucid, living dream. But then you wake up and have to pick up the pieces, call adjusters, deal with insurance, find a new car. Pause. Play.
Count the bruises while counting the blessings.
I urge you to please notice
when you are happy,
and exclaim or murmur
or think at some point,
“If this isn’t nice,
I don’t know what is.”
— kurt vonnegut —
Muscles And sinews covered and tight,
Plucking silly strings,
The body asks,”why?”
The sun still seems
To spin around the earth,
Seas of green
Things unseen.
Murder in the playing field.
Catching up with the world,
We get caught up.
Lamps like moons in the dead of night
Beds like tombs in the frosted light,
Shake me and shiver
Bend me limber.
Animal like souls, in flight or fight
We like snakes strangle and bite,
Sheaves like leaves
Huffs and heaves.
Where did love begin? What human being looked at another and saw in their face the forests and the sea? Was there a day, exhausted and weary, dragging home food, arms cut and scarred, that you saw yellow flowers and, not knowing what you did, picked them because I love you?
— Jeanette Winterson (via cassket)
